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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27847926">Willing Captivity</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/justanotherStonyfan/pseuds/justanotherStonyfan'>justanotherStonyfan</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Mission Fics [6]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Captain America (Movies)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Captivity, Codependency, Coercion, Dubious Consent, Gaslighting, HYDRA Trash Party adjacent, Kidnapping, M/M, Mental Coercion, Sexual Content, Stockholm Syndrome, Unreliable Narrator</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-03</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-03</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 21:54:07</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>11,104</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27847926</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/justanotherStonyfan/pseuds/justanotherStonyfan</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>James Buchanan Barnes takes care of Steve Rogers, keeps him safe. The Smithsonian tells him this. He can learn to be this man again.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Mission Fics [6]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1599379</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>40</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>147</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Willing Captivity</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">
      <li>For <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cheeky9274/gifts">Call_Me_Kayyyyy (Cheeky9274)</a>.</li>



    </ul><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Written for Call_Me_Kayyyyy. Spoilery explanation of tags in end notes</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Steven G Rogers was born on July 4th, 1918, and he met James Buchanan Barnes at the age of five, when Barnes saved him from a fight on the playground. The Smithsonian tells the Winter Soldier this, at the same time it tells him his name. It also tells him that Barnes takes care of Rogers when Rogers is sick, as he always is, or when he gets into fights, which he always does. Barnes covers him in combat situations. Barnes is at his back and by his side. Barnes, Bucky Barnes, he can be James Buchanan Barnes again. And so he makes a choice for both of them.</p><p>When all is said and done, it’s easy. </p><p>It’s easy to slip into the Winter Soldier with the charm of James Barnes, easy to bypass security with the skills he’s learned. He doesn’t chance it at the tower, that would be foolish - an unnecessary risk - but the small apartment, close and dark like the way they lived before, is simple. All of it, everything, it’s nothing. He enters, he plants the sedation, he waits. And when Steven G Rogers, Captain America, comes home and makes himself a cup of decaf - a habit he adheres to despite the negation of caffeine’s effects by the serum - he doesn’t associate his drowsiness with sedative. </p><p>Which means he never even calls for help.</p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>***</p>
</div>The universe is playing a joke, it must be. Steve’s done this before, woken up somewhere he doesn’t know.<p>Except there’s no light breeze and bright sunlight, and there’s no game playing from a wireless in the corner. He doesn’t need to open his eyes to know something’s wrong. He doesn’t need to open his eyes to know he’s not alone, either. </p><p>He can smell metal and wood, and sterile fabric. It’s not just clean, this is more clean than fabric softener, more clean than soap. Hospital bedsheets, perhaps. He’s on a bed, not in one, fully dressed. The fabric of his clothes doesn’t feel unfamiliar. </p><p>“I know you’re awake,” Bucky says, and Steve sits up immediately.</p><p>He doesn’t care where he is, not if Bucky’s here too. </p><p>He swings his legs over the side of the bed and looks at Bucky - Bucky sits on a chair in the corner and the place that they’re in…it could be a prison cell. A nice one, but it’s got no windows and the door is closed. This is information he registers, but doesn’t think about, because there’s only one thing he’s thinking about now.</p><p>“Bucky,” he says, and Bucky looks at him.</p><p>“You’re staying here, with me,” Bucky says, and Steve nods.</p><p>“Yeah,” he says. “I’m staying with you, where are we?”</p><p>And Bucky’s posture changes. His head comes up, his shoulders go down, he takes a deep breath.</p><p>“You’ll stay with me?” he says. “You won’t leave?”</p><p>“Bucky,” Steve says, and he shakes his head as he stands, both his hands out, palms up, don’t shoot, because he can’t see a weapon but he knows Bucky must have one. “Why would I leave you?”</p><p>“You’ll stay with me?” Bucky says again, and Steve nods. </p><p>“Of course,” he says on a breath, a breath he feels like he’s been holding since Washington, every day since he started looking, every day since he had to stop. “End of the line, Pal,” he says. “Always.”</p><p>Bucky nods.</p><p>“Okay,” he says, and stands up too. “Okay.”</p><p>Steve walks towards him because there isn’t anything else he can do, his feet take him there. They just carry him forward. </p><p>“Bucky,” he says, feels the past nine months well up in his chest, and reaches out hoping Bucky won’t back away.</p><p>Bucky doesn’t. Bucky meets him halfway and walks straight into his arms and holds him back just as tightly as his own embrace. </p><p>“Bucky,” Steve says again, he feels it’s the only thing he can say, the only word he’ll need on his tongue for the rest of his life. </p><p>“You’re here,” Bucky says. “You’re here.”</p><p>“I’m here,” he answers, a confirmation, a promise. “I’m home.”</p><p>~</p><p>“It’s a safehouse,” Bucky tells him. </p><p>Mostly it’s Bucky. </p><p>It’s hard to be sure how much of him has come back, but he says he remembers a lot. There’s a lot he must know, just from the way he acts, the way he speaks. They walk along the corridor, and it’s nice, it’s lit warmly and the decor is minimal, but Steve knows this is a facility and not a house. There’s steel behind the walls, or perhaps something stronger, and electricity hums behind the panels the way it doesn’t in his apartment. </p><p>Didn’t. He can’t go back now, he supposes. Even if the holes are repaired, it’ll always be the place Bucky shot Fury. It’ll always be too close to the mess that SHIELD and Hydra made in Washington.</p><p>Steve’s under no illusions. To pretend the two are separate is a mistake - the same mistake that brought them to this conclusion. The world ruptured on that day, and acting as though SHIELD can be rescued is the same arrogance as pretending it should be. </p><p>“One of Hydra’s,” Steve says softly. “Weren’t they all.”</p><p>“There’s no chair,” Bucky says. “Some of the safehouses had chairs. I didn’t…I didn’t want that.”</p><p>“No,” Steve says. “You don’t ever have to be worried about that. Are you here alone?”</p><p>Because wouldn’t that be a fine thing? If Steve woke up and embraced Bucky Barnes and Bucky led him straight into Hydra’s gaping maw?</p><p>“Who else would I bring?” Bucky answers him, sounding wry. It lends his voice a nice cadence, one that was missing before. He hasn’t shown much emotion but, still, Steve doesn’t even know if he can. “Only person I’d want here is you. I thought about what I’d need and I brought you here. There’s no chair. They won’t find us.”</p><p>“Okay,” Steve says. </p><p>If Bucky’s hung up on the chair, Steve’s not about to berate him for it. Steve can barely begin to understand what he’s been through.</p><p>“How long you been here?” Steve asks instead, and Bucky shakes his head as they walk.</p><p>“A while,” he says. “I watched you for a while but…”</p><p>“Really?” Steve says before he can stop himself, and he knows how eager he sounds but he hopes Bucky doesn’t hate him for it. “You did?”</p><p>“I did,” Bucky says, and they come out into a good-sized room that’s nicely furnished although bland, just like the rest of the place. “I wanted to make sure you were safe.”</p><p>“I’m okay,” Steve says softly, but Bucky turns to look at him.</p><p>“No,” he says. “I mean…Yes. You’re safe with me. I’m here now and you’re with me and you’re safe, right? You’re safe here with me?”</p><p>“Yeah,” Steve says, but he knows he’s missing something. </p><p>He knows Bucky’s still agitated, even if he hasn’t been with him for so long. </p><p>“You weren’t safe,” Bucky says, and he goes on walking, Steve follows. “I watched you but you weren’t safe.”</p><p>“I don’t remember,” Steve says, because he doesn’t.</p><p>“Sedative,” Bucky answers. “In your drink.”</p><p>And Steve stops in his tracks. </p><p>“Shit,” he says. “What…What about Sam, Natasha?”</p><p>“Not them,” Bucky answers. “Just you.”</p><p>Steve rubs a hand over his mouth and shakes his head. They start to walk again. </p><p>“Jesus,” he mutters. “And you got me out?”</p><p>“Yes,” Bucky tells him. “You weren’t safe.”</p><p>Unconscious, poisoned in his own home, albeit a temporary home. Damn. </p><p>“You’re sure about the others?” he says.</p><p>“I’m sure,” Bucky answers. “I’m sure about all of it. That’s the living room, we’re going to the kitchen.”</p><p>Steve nods and follows along. </p><p>“So this is where you’re staying?” he says. “You didn’t tell me how long you’d been here.”</p><p>“Since I left you in Washington,” Bucky answers. “I came here. I cleaned it out. I falsified the reports, Hydra won’t come looking here. I told the system it was radioactive. They won’t come here for a hundred years at least.”</p><p>Steve smiles a little. </p><p>“Well at least we got somewhere we can go when the heat’s on then,” he says. </p><p>The kitchen is just as nice and bland as the bedroom and the hallway and the living room. </p><p>“How far does this go?” Steve asks.</p><p>Bucky turns to look at him from across the room. </p><p>“For miles,” he says. “You can go anywhere for miles.”</p><p>Steve looks around the place.</p><p>“This was always a safehouse?” he says.</p><p>“No,” Bucky answers. “Not just a safehouse. It used to be a facility, but it’s empty now. It doesn’t have a chair.”</p><p>Steve feels his face crease in sadness.</p><p>“Bucky,” he says. “Bucky, sweetheart, you don’t ever need to worry about a chair again, alright? If they want you, they gotta get through me.”</p><p>Bucky nods. </p><p>“And if they want you they have to get through me.”</p><p>Steve nods.</p><p>“Okay,” he says, because he doesn’t really know what the point of all this is.</p><p>But he knows the gist. The gist is that Bucky’s kept him safe from something he didn’t even know was a threat, and brought him to a home even Natasha couldn’t find in the months since Washington, and is talking to him like he understands what’s going on and cares about Steve. And if those are the only criteria Bucky’s sticking to right now, it’s still better than the last time they were in the same place together.</p><p>Steve will take soft-spoken ‘here’s-my-bog-standard-living-space-Bucky’ over bone crunching ‘you’re-my-mission- Bucky’ any day.</p><p>Steve can wait to find out what the play is.</p><p>~</p><p>“Can I let my friends know where I am?” he asks over dinner.</p><p>Dinner is mac and cheese, and Steve feels guilty for how surprised he was when Bucky cooked it. He made it with pasta and cheese and a roux, not from a box. So fresh ingredients, meaning Bucky’s got a supply line. </p><p>“No,” Bucky says. “They’re looking for you right now, if you try and call out, they could track the signal.”</p><p>Steve frowns at his mac and cheese. </p><p>“Is that a bad thing?” he asks.</p><p>“If your friends can hear you,” Bucky answers, “what’s to stop Hydra?” </p><p>“My phone’s encrypted,” Steve answers.</p><p>“Your phone isn’t here,” Bucky says. “You didn’t have it on you when I got you. You don’t have a phone. And I don’t have a phone. I haven’t got anyone to call.”</p><p>It makes sense, Steve supposes. </p><p>“Can you get me a phone?” he says.</p><p>“Not right now,” Bucky answers. “I mean it. Everybody’s out there. Anyone could hear it. Even if I got you a phone, I don’t know how to encrypt them.”</p><p>Steve winces.</p><p>Neither does he. Natasha kept telling him she was going to teach him but they haven’t had the time. </p><p>“Okay,” he says. “Maybe I could write a letter.”</p><p>“Maybe,” Bucky answers. “Don’t worry about that tonight. Don’t worry about anything tonight.”</p><p>And then he reaches out across the table and takes Steve’s hand in his own. </p><p>“I always did take care’a you,” he says, and Steve gets a lump in his throat as he nods. “I’ll do it as long as you let me.”</p><p>“Yeah,” Steve whispers, and smiles, though it pulls at something in his chest. </p><p>The swell of emotion catches him by surprise, but he doesn’t mind that Bucky can see. </p><p>“I missed you so much, Buck,” he says, and Bucky nods, squeezes his fingers.</p><p>“I missed you too,” he says. </p><p>~</p><p>The bedrooms all have bathrooms, Bucky tells him. There’s also a bathroom down one of the halls. </p><p>“If you need anything,” he says, “you can tell me. I can get anything you need.”</p><p>Steve nods and tries not to let his mouth twist. </p><p>He knows that must be true because Bucky’s survived this long on his own, Bucky has fresh food and drink. If everyone’s after Steve, enough that setting foot outside might get him killed, then Bucky is the better choice for a supply run. </p><p>“Can’t think I’ll need anything,” he says. “I’m happy to eat anything, you know me.”</p><p>Bucky laughs softly. He stares a lot of the time, but he smiles, too. It’s…strange. Steve can see how much of him is in there, but so much was taken from him, too. So much might be left to come back yet. </p><p>“How about boiled potatoes?” Bucky asks, and Steve laughs.</p><p>“Well, I guess if I have to,” he says. “Honestly, Bucky, only thing I need is you.” He smirks. “Maybe a sketchbook and some paints, if you’re writin’ a Christmas list.”</p><p>The idea of that is laughable, of course. Neither of them ever wrote Christmas lists, and the concept is still strange to Steve now, even though he’s been in this century a few years. It smacks of privilege, in his opinion, but it makes for a good joke nonetheless. </p><p>“There are pajamas,” Bucky says. “There are toothbrushes, too, you can take your pick. Any color you want, have any soap you can find. If you want something, just tell me. I’ll take care of you.”</p><p>And Steve nods, but finds that his palms itch, and realizes it’s because he’s clenching his fists. </p><p>“Bucky,” he says, and Bucky looks at him, stares at him. </p><p>He’s still, after everything, the guy Steve knew before the war. Sure he’s taller, broader, his stubble grows faster and thicker, his hair’s longer. But he’s still Steve’s Bucky. Except, he doesn’t know how much Bucky remembers. He doesn’t know how much of who they were is in Bucky’s head yet. </p><p>“Your bedroom is the one you woke up in,” Bucky says. “Unless you want to stay with me.”</p><p>And Steve blinks at him.</p><p>“I,” he says, because it’s hard. It’s so difficult - he wants to have everything the way it was, but he knows how futile thoughts like that can be, and how dangerous a delusion it would wind up. But Bucky’s here, and Bucky’s beautiful, and Bucky has saved him and asked him to stay, and Steve looked for so long, and his heart broke so many times over, and Bucky is right here with him now. “How much do you remember?”</p><p>And Bucky stares at him a moment longer, and then walks toward him again, and steps up against him again, and wraps his arms around Steve’s neck and kisses him.</p><p>Steve could weep, could collapse onto the floor in heap. He doesn’t do those things, not either of them. Instead, he kisses back and holds Bucky tight, and says,</p><p>“Where’s your room?”</p><p>~</p><p>They don’t waste time. They go to bed and they do so together, and Steve asks and asks until he worries Bucky will get tired of answering, but the answer’s always yes. </p><p>When Steve asks if it’s alright to undress him, Bucky says yes. When Steve asks if he can kiss him, Bucky says yes. When Steve asks if he’s sure, and asks if he wants this, and asks if he’s ready, Bucky says yes, and yes, and yes. </p><p>And when he’s sitting cross-legged on Bucky’s bed, with Bucky in his lap, legs wrapped around Steve’s waist, when he holds Bucky close and they move together, when he says,</p><p>“Please,” with the last of his strength and the last of his resolve. “Please.”</p><p>Bucky winds his fingers in Steve’s hair and kisses him, and says,</p><p>“Yes.”</p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>***</p>
</div>A week passes in the shelter of their safehouse. Sometimes Bucky goes away, but most of the time he’s with Steve. He brings Steve a sketchbook, some pencils, some charcoals, some paints. He brings an easel, and paintbrushes, everything Steve can think of.<p>It’s all in a room Steve hasn’t been in before, beyond what looked like a back door.</p><p>“They’re all locked with these,” Bucky says, and he shows Steve a bracelet. </p><p>It looks like something for paramedics to read - a chain with a plaque.</p><p>“Hold it up,” Bucky says, and demonstrates, holding his wrist up to the door handle, and a light Steve didn’t know was there comes on, shining through the wallpaper as a little beep sounds from somewhere. </p><p>The door clicks, and opens an inch or two, and Bucky smiles at him.</p><p>“Can’t get through without one,” he says. “That way, even if somebody does get in, they can’t get past this part. The house bit. All the weapons are in the back.”</p><p>“And it goes down for miles?” Steve says.</p><p>Bucky nods. </p><p>“Yeah,” he says. “If you want, I can give you a map.”</p><p>Steve nods.</p><p>“Yeah,” he says. “Maybe. You could come with me, show me around.”</p><p>“Okay,” Bucky answers. “But you don’t need to, not really. Long as you can get to your paints, right?”</p><p>Steve laughs.</p><p>“Sure,” he says. “As long as I can get to my paints.”</p><p>~</p><p>They eat well every night, and it’s something new each time. Spaghetti and meatballs, salmon en croute, pancakes just for fun. Bucky makes hearty stews and delicious pies.</p><p>“I’m gonna bust outta my clothes at this rate,” Steve says, although he doubts that’s actually possible. </p><p>What his metabolism doesn’t burn away, his clothes can deal with. They are, he discovers, just as standard as everything else. Okay, there are jeans and shirts, and jackets and pajamas, and dressing gowns and suits, but they’re all like the safehouse is. Basic, stock, bog-standard. And in a ton of different sizes.</p><p>“What did they even use this place for?” Steve mutters as Bucky gives him hi-vis crap to hold while he looks for the right slipper to left one Steve’s balanced on his head to make Bucky laugh.</p><p>“It’s,” and then Bucky looks at him, and does laugh, “you palooka,” he says. “They used to use it for everything. Except it was too nice for most people to know. Only a couple of guys at the top and, after Insight…”</p><p>He doesn’t need to finish the sentence for Steve to understand. </p><p>“Gotcha,” Bucky mutters a moment later, and sets the newly-found slipper aside so he can take back the hi-vis and shove it into one of the closets. “There.”</p><p>And he hands the slipper to Steve, taking the other one off his head. </p><p>“There,” Steve answers. </p><p>“Come on,” Bucky says. “I wanna grab some rosemary for dinner tonight.”</p><p>And Steve frowns, but follows after. </p><p>They go along corridors and down some flights of stairs and up others. Steve’s beginning to map the place in his head but it’s a lot bigger than he realized at first. Each time they get to a new section, Bucky uses his bracelet. Sometimes he lets Steve do it, and Steve is baffled and amused in equal measure every time.</p><p>When they come out under sky, he’ll admit he’s surprised.</p><p>“Wow,” he says.</p><p>It’s…a garden. Fresh and green and beautiful.</p><p>“You did this?” he says, and Bucky tilts his head as he walks down a little path towards some low-lying plants. He looks back over his shoulder with a smile. </p><p>“Some of it,” he says. “The herbs are mine, mostly. Some of the flowering plants.”</p><p>Steve squints up at the sky overhead but it’s overcast. It’s bright for an evening, but he hasn’t seen the sky in a week or two, and he’s never entirely sure what time it is without some form of real daylight coming in.  He’d thought they might be underground, considering the complete lack of actual windows - all the ones in the main part of the ‘house’ are frames with pictures behind them, that roll down to change to nightscapes at a certain time of night.</p><p>It’s a comfort to have fresh air, even if the smell of it is tainted by the surrounding structure of the building. </p><p>“It’s lovely,” Steve tells him, looking around. </p><p>It’s peaceful, and quiet, and the little water feature in the center bubbles away like a song. </p><p>“I’m glad you like it,” Bucky answers, and the twinkle in his eye makes it seem like a secret. </p><p>A secret garden, like the one from the book he read when he was a boy.  Just for the two of them.</p><p>Bucky picks some rosemary and takes a deep breath of it, and then he holds it out to Steve.  Steve takes it, and breathes it in, and smiles. </p><p>“How long until we have to go back inside?” he says, and Bucky’s smile flickers a little. </p><p>“Well,” he says. “I mean we don’t have to stay here.”</p><p>“No!” Steve says, shaking his head. “No I mean, can we stay? Out here together, can we stay for a while?”</p><p>“Out here?” Bucky says, and looks around. When he looks back, he’s smiling again. “Sure. Whatever you want.”</p><p>~</p><p>Dinner that night is steak and kidney pie with a suet crust. Steve feels like he’s died and gone to heaven.</p><p>“Bucky,” he says, warm and sated, “Bucky that was <i>so good,</i> I didn’t know you could cook all this.”</p><p>“I have a lot of skills now,” he says. “Some of ‘em they taught me, some I learned myself. But you didn’t have a lot to eat when you were younger, I take care’a you. So I’ll feed you. You’ll never go hungry, not while I’m around.”</p><p>Steve laughs, and Bucky laughs too.</p><p>When they go to bed, they spend hours touching and kissing, learning each other anew every night. </p><p>“I’m here,” Bucky tells him, every time Steve’s overwhelmed by it.</p><p>Seventy years, across two centuries, and they’re together again, somewhere nobody can hurt them. Somewhere nobody can find.</p><p>“I love you,” Steve tells him when they lie in the dark, sated for a second time. </p><p>“Mmmmm,” Bucky hums softly. “I love you too.”</p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>***</p>
</div>It’s a month before Steve realizes his bracelet doesn’t work on the front door.<p>A whole glorious, blissful month of quiet solitude between them. They might as well be the only people on the planet, and Steve thinks he could live this way forever. </p><p>“Hey,” he says, when Bucky comes back with his arms full of groceries. </p><p>“Hi,” Bucky says, beaming. “You sleep okay?”</p><p>“Yeah,” Steve answers, and he gets up. “You want a hand?”</p><p>“I got it,” Bucky answers, and Steve watches the door to the main house part close behind him. </p><p>There’s a long corridor on the other side of it, but Steve’s never seen the entrance beyond it, though there must be one. </p><p>Steve isn’t sure how to broach the subject of his bracelet, because he knows Bucky doesn’t want him trying to leave. He knows Bucky worries he’d never come back even though that’s the last thing on his mind. </p><p>“I brought you a phone,” Bucky says, absolutely blindsiding Steve, and Steve frowns at him.</p><p>“What?” he says. “That’s <i>great,</i> thank you!”</p><p>“Sure,” Bucky says, and hands it over. </p><p>It’s…</p><p>Okay, it’s not a smart phone. Which Steve kicks himself mentally for a moment later - he grew up in a place that had <i>one telephone,</i> and you had to queue to use it and then stand there while you called. ‘It’s not a smartphone’ - what is he, a spoiled brat?</p><p>“This is great,” he says, “thank you.”</p><p>Even though it doesn’t have the Internet. </p><p>Bucky brings back the papers whenever he goes out - a few different ones, from a couple of different dates. He brings the Washington Post and the New York Times, and he brings a few that are local to places Steve cares about. But Steve would like to check his messages, read his emails. He’ll start making noise about a laptop soon.</p><p>“It’s encrypted,” Bucky tells him. “I mean, you’re welcome. It’s encrypted.”</p><p>“Thank you,” Steve says again. </p><p>“You’re welcome,” Bucky also says again. </p><p>“I’m gonna call Natasha,” he says. “Let ‘em know I’m okay.”</p><p>“That’s fine,” Bucky answers. “But…”</p><p>He turns away.</p><p>“What?” Steve says, and when Bucky doesn’t turn back, Steve gets up to go to him. “Honey, what’s wrong?”</p><p>“I…” he says. “I’m not great at encryption,” and then he turns to look at Steve, his eyes sad. “I-I could only…you won’t have long.”</p><p>“Oh,” Steve says - is that all? “Oh, Bucky, you don’t…Don’t get upset about that, alright? How long can I get?”</p><p>Bucky bites his lip and lowers his head.</p><p>“You get about fifteen seconds,” he says. “After that…they could find us.”</p><p>And Steve tries to school his expression into something that doesn’t look as shocked by that as he feels. He knows that’s how it is sometimes, once Natasha could only get them a signal in the space between two rings of a church bell, sometimes windows are tight. But Bucky clearly doesn’t want Steve’s friends with them yet, he doesn’t want to let Steve take him in or find him help. And that’s okay, they’re safe where they are, they’re happy together, Steve isn’t in any danger. </p><p>“Okay,” he says, and he brushes Bucky’s hair back off his forehead.  “That’s fine, honey, don’t worry. I’ll call her now, okay?”</p><p>Bucky nods.</p><p>“I’m sorry I couldn’t get you more,” he says. “I’m sorry-” and his face creases up, and Steve puts down the phone and wraps Bucky in his arms instead.</p><p>“Don’t worry, sweetheart,” he says, and Bucky sniffs, makes himself small against Steve’s body. “Don’t worry about it at all, I’m here. It doesn’t matter - fifteen seconds is better than nothing, right? I just want them to know I’m okay, I don’t gotta read ‘em War and Peace.”</p><p>“You’re sure?” Bucky mumbles. “You’re sure that’s okay?”</p><p>“Bucky,” Steve says, “sweetheart,” and he pulls back to look at him. “Thank you. For getting me fifteen seconds. It’s more than I had yesterday, right?”</p><p>Bucky sniffs and smiles a little. </p><p>“Yeah,” he says. “I guess.”</p><p>~ </p><p>When he calls, he calls with his hand in Bucky’s hand. </p><p>She answers immediately and says nothing, and Steve is looking at the clock on the wall. He needs to speak to Bucky about that, too, maybe get one for every room.</p><p>“It’s me,” he says. “I have fifteen seconds.”</p><p>He knows, when she speaks, Bucky can hear her.</p><p><i>“Are you safe?”</i> she says.</p><p>“I’m safe,” he answers. “I’m with Bucky.”</p><p>
  <i>“Where?”</i>
</p><p>“I don’t know, but I’m here of my own free will and I’m alright. I’m okay.”</p><p>
  <i>“Sam's going to kill you.”</i>
</p><p>Fifteen seconds. It makes his heart ache. He has five.</p><p>“Give him my love,” he says. “And keep some yourself.”</p><p><i>“You too,”</i> she answers, and then it’s over.</p><p>And then it’s <i>really</i> over because, no sooner has he hung up, than Bucky grabs the phone and crushes it in his metal fist. </p><p>Steve stares at him as he drops the pieces, aghast.</p><p>“Bucky!” he says. “What the hell?”</p><p>“I mean it,” Bucky answers. “Fifteen seconds, and I don’t know how to do anything else. It’s safer this way.”</p><p>And then he gets up and goes to put the pieces in the trash. </p><p>Steve just stares at him. </p><p>He needs to find a better way to talk to Bucky about this than the way he feels right now - if he tries to reason with Bucky now, he’ll wind up starting an argument and that won’t get them anywhere. He never used to wait, he never used to hold off, but he’s changed. Mainly because he knows Bucky’s changed. Bucky had no autonomy for so long, could trust no-one. Worse than that, he didn’t even know it. He hadn’t just had his choices taken away, his life, he’d been made to forget he’d ever had them, ever could have them. Steve takes a deep breath and holds it for a moment, two, three, and then lets it out slowly. He has to remember that Bucky was someone who didn’t even know the word ‘no,’ let alone someone who thought they could say it. </p><p>But he needs to start making a move on this. He’s been here a while now. And they don’t have to leave straightaway, he’s not going to suggest they pack their bags and get out. But maybe, he thinks, maybe it’s time to start easing Bucky into the idea that there are people who want to help him, whose only agendas are to help him regain himself. He doesn’t have to want to fight, or want to follow orders. He can be his own man. Steve will ease him into it, even if it takes another six months, even if it takes a year. </p><p>The next time Bucky brings a phone home with him, Steve will call Sam because, otherwise, Nat’s right. Sam’ll kill him. God he misses them both.</p><p>Still, he wouldn’t trade that for what he has, not for anything. Because right now, Bucky is here, and safe, and happy. Right now, the rest of the world can wait.</p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>***</p>
</div>Time passes.<p>It’s not hard to ignore it when most of his time is spent with Bucky. But for the size of his body and the lack of a job, it almost feels like being home. They spend their days together, their nights. They cook and clean and eat, they watch the television sometimes, they play cards. Steve draws Bucky, and shows him the drawings, and Bucky goes pink and smiles and ducks his head.</p><p>Bucky brings home things that Steve has never tried - he expanded his horizons a little when he moved to DC, but not like this. Not the way Bucky cooks.</p><p>“Where do you get the recipes?” he says, on one occasion, and Bucky smiles back over his shoulder. </p><p>“All sorts of places,” he says. </p><p>But not the internet. Steve shoves his tongue in his cheek for a moment. </p><p>“There’s a place near where I lived in DC,” he says, “Zorba’s, little Greek place. Beautiful salads - I could take you there.”</p><p>“Hmmm,” Bucky hums, a non-committal answer if ever Steve heard one. </p><p>“There was a nice Indian restaurant, too,” he says. “It was just past-”</p><p>“Not now,” Bucky tells him. “You should write these down, you know? Tell me all about ‘em, you could paint them, too!”</p><p>Steve stares at the back of him.</p><p>“I’d rather show you,” he says, and Bucky shakes his head.</p><p>“It’s not safe right now,” Bucky says, and then fixes Steve with a look.</p><p>“Is it ever gonna be safe, Buck?” Steve answers, and Bucky turns around and leans back against the counter. </p><p>“There’s a lot of people want you dead,” he says. “A <i>lot</i> of people. And I can’t protect you all the time. You’re safest when you’re here with me.”</p><p>“That’s fine, Bucky,” Steve says, because he’s aware of how fragile Bucky still is. “I like being here with you. I just think that maybe it’s not so healthy for us to be trapped here.”</p><p>“Trapped?” Bucky says. “Is that how you feel?”</p><p>And this is the thing, Steve can learn from his mistakes. Steve can recognize how to pick a fight. Seventy years ago, before the serum, he’d’ve shouted. They’d’ve yelled. <i>Of course that’s how I feel, you’re keepin’ me here like some kinda-</i></p><p>But Steve’s not as brash as that now, he’s not as quick to anger. Starting an argument with Bucky wouldn’t help him, it would only mean Bucky wouldn’t trust him. Bucky would never hurt him, he’s got no doubt about that, but it’s not conducive to any recovery to get into a shouting match every time Bucky feels his safety is threatened. </p><p>“I feel like maybe you’re more worried than you gotta be,” he says instead, and Bucky nods, then shakes his head, then looks away. “I can’t even get out the front door.”</p><p>“I’m not trying to make your life difficult,” he says. “I’m trying to make it easy. Why are you so desperate to get back there?”</p><p>And there are a few reasons, Steve thinks. Way more than one, anyway - his friends, his job, the ruins they left in DC and the tendrils of Hydra that need to be pulled out and burned away. But there’s a more important question, actually - is any of that worth Bucky?</p><p>Back in DC, Steve had a choice to make. Insight needed to come down, whether the Winter Soldier was with him or not, whether they fought against each other or… He had to choose the people Insight would murder over the best friend he’d longed to save. But there wasn’t a choice to make here. The stakes were low - he already had the prize. </p><p>He wants to go back, sure, but there isn’t anything in particular that he’s needed for. At least, not in a way that anyone else can’t deal with just as competently. </p><p>“It doesn’t matter,” he says eventually. “It can all wait, for you.”</p><p>“Are you sure?” Bucky says, his voice a little unsteady. “I’m not trying to make you-”</p><p>“I’m sure,” Steve says. </p><p>Because, out of the two of them, at least one of them can be sure. </p><p>“I’ll sort out the door,” he says. “I can change some settings.”</p><p>And Steve nods. Compromise is better than nothing.</p><p>“Thank you,” he says.</p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>***</p>
</div>Life goes on.<p>They christen every room they can find, sometimes more than once. There’s nobody here to stop them, and Bucky’s quite adventurous when he gets interested in something. Sometimes they sleep in a different room just to see what it’s like. </p><p>Steve has dreams about hands on his skin, has nightmares about pain that burns like fire in his cheekbones, and there’s one with a hand that reaches down to him through murky water that he can’t figure out how he feels about, but he always wakes with Bucky beside him, and silence surrounding them. </p><p>It’s almost too quiet, until Bucky comes home with a cat.  More of a kitten, really - a scraggly little white-furred thing, once they clean the grime from the aforementioned fur.</p><p>“I think it’s a Maine Coon,” Steve says as it mewls its protests. </p><p>“I want to keep it,” Bucky answers. “Please?”</p><p>“Sure,” Steve says, frowning at him for a second before they go back to grooming the little kitten. “Of course, that’s fine, I wanna keep it too.”</p><p>Bucky sighs heavily, and smiles a little wobbly smile. </p><p>“Good,” he says. “Good.”</p><p>Steve doesn’t ask why Bucky’s so relieved about it. He’s not sure Bucky would be alright if he told him.</p><p>So for a while, things are alright. Things make sense. The cat takes up some of their time but there’s always enough food for it. It sleeps on their chairs or their beds, but the company is nice. They could be any other couple with a cat, and nobody bothers them. </p><p>But time passes, and continues to pass, and it can only last so long.</p><p>Steve’s no fool and neither is Bucky. Steve’s not sure how much Bucky remembers of who they were before, but he can love Bucky for who he is now. It takes no effort, it’s not a conscious choice. Bucky walks in and Steve loves him, it’s just the way of the universe. But the problem with that is, Steve knows it’s making him blind to things. </p><p>Or, at least, he knows it’s making him not-care about things he ought to care about. </p><p>Steve doesn’t leave the place. It’s months before he even thinks about it again, and that’s mainly because there’s everything they could want right here. </p><p>There’s a pool, a gym - there are treadmills and there’s even a track, though he doesn’t use it much.  He prefers running in one place and watching movies on the TV screen in the corner to running around and around in circles under the overcast sky. </p><p>He can’t get the news, though he’s tried. There’s only entertainment channels - they don’t even run commercials, and so he watches whatever’s on. He can feel his Spanish improving when he watches the soap operas, and he likes “How It’s Made” because his attention span isn’t great - his mind keeps wandering. What’s Bucky doing, how are Nat and Sam, where are they really, all that jazz. He sort of hates himself for it a little. </p><p>They’re safe, that’s the main point. Nobody’s overseeing them, nobody’s hiding in the shadows. Bucky’s with him, and nobody can find them. </p><p>It doesn’t bother him as much as he knows it should. </p><p>He decides to broach the subject of leaving again, just to feel Bucky out. </p><p>It doesn’t work the first day he wants to do it - Bucky has been cooking all morning and saunters in while Steve’s painting, in an apron and his pajama pants and nothing else. It’s a welcome distraction - Steve’s painted six burning helicarriers so far and none of them come out like he remembers, none of the nightmares stop playing behind his closed eyelids at night. He doesn’t let Bucky see the paintings - when Bucky’s around, he paints the flowers instead. </p><p>He decides to say something on the day he decides it’s his turn to make dinner again. He’s mentioned it to Bucky once or twice, and he glances at the clock. It’s getting on for six, and Bucky still isn’t back from his supply run, but Steve can make a mean cheeseburger from scratch. There’s ground beef in the freezer, and potatoes he can peel and slice (he’s the son of an Irish immigrant - peeling potatoes is easy as breathing), and so he puts the beef in the microwave to defrost while he heads to the garden to grab some basil. </p><p>It’s overcast when he gets there, and he squints down the row of plants. The basil is-</p><p>Man it really is bright out here, despite the clouds. Despite it being almost six. </p><p>The basil is over by the rosemary, and he walks down the little path to get some. Once he has it, he goes over to the little water feature and looks down in it. His reflection stares back at him in the crystal clear water, and there’s a light breeze over his skin.</p><p>He frowns down at his reflection, which frowns back up at him, and shakes his head. </p><p>Then he goes back inside to go make dinner. </p><p>~</p><p>Bucky arrives home with some new watercolors for Steve.</p><p>“For if you wanted to paint the flowers,” he says, “in the garden. You know?”</p><p>Steve nods.</p><p>“Yeah,” he says, and feeds a small piece of lunch meat to Alpine, who definitely shouldn’t be on the counter but neither of them bother with reprimands. </p><p>Bucky comes across, and scratches behind Alpine’s ears, before he goes back to the grocery bags.</p><p>“Hey, I made burgers,” Steve says. “I got some basil from the garden and I put in some paprika, a little tomato paste.”</p><p>Bucky grins and pulls out a pack of bread buns.</p><p>“Sounds great!” he says, grinning broadly.</p><p>He has a gorgeous smile, Steve’s never been able to resist it. </p><p>“Fries, too,” he says, and Bucky rummages through one of the bags and comes up with a head of lettuce. </p><p>“I brought the salad,” he says. “How did I know?”</p><p>Steve laughs a little and nods, conceding.</p><p>“Alright,” he says. “You’re a genius.”</p><p>And Bucky laughs too, and sets about grabbing some plates. </p><p>“I was thinking,” Steve tells him. “Just a little bit, it’s not anything you need to worry about. I just wondered how you’d feel about…maybe us going outside sometime. You know?” </p><p>He glances over his shoulder at Bucky, and Bucky doesn’t seem fazed, so he isn’t deterred. </p><p>“It’s just my friends are gonna worry-”</p><p>“You called them,” Bucky says, and Steve frowns.</p><p>“Yeah, Buck, <i>months</i> ago,” he says. “They haven’t had an update since then, they’re gonna worry.”</p><p>Bucky shakes his head. </p><p>“They don’t know what they’re worried about. You’re safe here, with me.”</p><p>Steve purses his lips and tries to think of a different way to put it. </p><p>“Do you think there’s maybe…” he says, and then regrets it instantly but he can’t put the words back in his mouth. “Do you think there’ll come a time when you wanna come with me?”</p><p>“I am with you,” Bucky says. </p><p>“I mean away from here,” Steve clarifies, and Bucky stops in his tracks and looks at him.</p><p>“Here’s safe,” Bucky says. “Why would you want to leave me?”</p><p>“I don’t want to leave you,” he says. “I just don’t want to never see my friends again. I’d want you to come with me.”</p><p>Bucky nods then, in understanding.</p><p>“Oh,” he says. “Well yeah, sure. <i>Some</i> day maybe? When not-every single living member of Hydra is trying to kill you, you know?”</p><p>Steve watches him.</p><p>“Sure,” he says. </p><p>It is a weight off his mind, even if not by much.</p><p>“Just, y’know. Thought I’d ask.”</p><p>“Yeah,” Bucky says, grinning. “I know. You don’t gotta worry, I’ll take care of you.”</p><p>Steve nods.</p><p>“I know that, Buck, I wanna do the same for you.”</p><p>Bucky nods.</p><p>“Well sure,” he says. “I guess someday.”</p><p>And that soothes Steve’s nerves a little - ‘someday’ is finite. It means they won’t be this way forever. Still, it’s nebulous at best. It sticks with him, however much he tries to ignore it. And, once he’s aware of ignoring it, he’s aware of when Bucky’s distracting him from it, too. Sex is-</p><p>God, the sex is <i>great,</i> but not when…Not when Bucky only gets on his knees to stop him looking at the door.</p><p>He lets it lie another week. </p><p>In another week, as far as he can tell, it will have been six months - six months of tending the garden, of painting things from memory, of watching Alpine grow, of running and watching and sitting and waiting. Six months.</p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>***</p>
</div>Bucky doesn’t like it.<p>Every time Steve brings it up, Bucky doesn’t like it. </p><p>Every time Bucky doesn’t like it, Steve…</p><p>It’s hard. It’s hard to ignore, to get by without confronting Bucky about but, most of all, it doesn’t feel right. There’s no progression, there hasn’t been any development.</p><p>Except for Alpine, which was a blessing - at least Steve knows Bucky can care for someone who isn’t Steve Rogers.</p><p>But when it’s been six months, when it’s been weeks since he’s talked to his friends, when Bucky has curled up beside him and passed out, satisfied and exhausted, Steve can’t sleep.</p><p>He lies still and stares at the ceiling. </p><p>There isn’t much light to see by, just the light from the clock on the nightstand, but it’s enough for him to stare at the ceiling. There are things that aren’t adding up, and he knows it. He’s been ignoring it because he doesn’t want to think about it, but it’s true. </p><p>He can’t pinpoint it, either - it shouldn’t make him so uneasy that there aren’t any real windows, not if this is a safehouse. Well, it <i>is</i> a safehouse. </p><p>Bucky <i>says</i> it’s a safehouse. </p><p>And it shouldn’t concern him that Bucky can’t encrypt any tech - neither can he! Except…is it possible to only be able to encrypt something for fifteen seconds? He doesn’t know. </p><p>But the thing that’s been gnawing at the back of his brain is simpler than that. It’s so simple that Steve hates it. Because he already knows the answer. </p><p>He extricates himself from Bucky as gently as he can manage, but Bucky stirs anyway.</p><p>“Where’re you goin’?” he mumbles, fabric shifting over skin. </p><p>Steve pulls on his pants.</p><p>“I’m grabbing a hot chocolate from the kitchen, you want one?” </p><p>“No,” Bucky answers, and yawns. </p><p>Then he puts his head back down. Steve looks at him in the gloom for a long few moments, and then heads out of the bedroom. </p><p>He doesn’t go to the kitchen.</p><p>He goes to the garden.</p><p>~</p><p>It isn’t far to walk, not really. </p><p>He knows the facility well by now, and it isn’t difficult to see his way in the dark. The garden is perhaps ten minutes walking from the living space, and there are doors all along the corridors he walks on his way to get there. The floor isn’t cold on his bare feet, and the air isn’t cool on his skin. He holds out a hand to the next door he passes, and it beeps, the light beside it turns green. </p><p>When it opens, it’s black and gaping inside, and he can hear from the movement of the air within and the echo of the strange, metallic click of the door, that it stretches on and on. </p><p>He pulls the door closed again, and keeps walking to the garden. </p><p>When he gets there, the door opens for him, and the air smells as green and fresh as it always does. For a moment, his hopes are lifted - it is dark beyond the door. His fear that the garden sat in perpetual daylight is, for a moment, abated. But then he steps through.</p><p>High, high over his head, perhaps fifty, sixty feet, he sees the truth.</p><p>It’s a ceiling. Attached to it in rows are dim, mauve fluorescent bars. They’re barely lit, and bathe the garden in an eerie pink glow, but they are affixed to a ceiling. His enhanced eyes show him that, between the rows of pink fluorescent bars, there are huge panels. Set into the ceiling with them are projectors.</p><p> It was never overcast. The breeze is circulated air. The sunlight is light panels. There are not, nor have there ever been, birds or insects in this garden and he knew it. He missed the warbling birdsong and the low, busy hum of bees, but he’d been wishing with everything he had that it wasn’t true. </p><p>There must be a reason, he thinks. Bucky must be doing this on purpose - unless he doesn’t know. Unless Bucky thinks…</p><p>Steve has been naïve before. He has lowered his gaze and ignored his instincts and it almost got twenty million people killed. He isn’t so stupid as to think that Bucky doesn’t know. Bucky has been careful, has been secretive. Steve doesn’t know where they are, only that they’re together. He doesn’t know what time of day it is aside from the clocks on the wall, doesn’t know the dates aside from the papers. Bucky has brought him paints and papers, books and crossword puzzles, food and clothes and everything he’s asked for. </p><p>But a gilded cage is still a cage. </p><p>Steve looks around the garden and hears the whir of the air circulation system, the twang of the light panels coming to life. He looks up and finds that they’re beginning to glow. </p><p>Dawn, then. </p><p>He turns around and leaves the garden, and he closes the door behind him. </p><p>~</p><p>He goes back to the living area. He ignores the doors along the corridors, and walks past the bedroom, he goes through the kitchen and out to the living room, and he tries the door. </p><p>Green, beep, affirmative. It opens for him, the way Bucky told him it would. The hair stands up on the back of his neck.</p><p>He walks down the corridor to the to the entrance, or what he thinks is the entrance - it’s impossible to know. He tries the door.</p><p>Red light.</p><p>Buzzer.</p><p>
  <i>Access Denied.</i>
</p><p>“You’re trying to leave me,” Bucky says, and Steve whirls around and looks at him.</p><p>Bucky will always be able to sneak up on him, he supposes. The Winter Soldier was a ghost. Steve doesn’t know what to say - he’s not trying to leave but he is trying to get out, and there’s no real way to deny it, not to Bucky. The nuance might be lost on him, and lying will make it worse. </p><p>“The garden isn’t outside,” Steve says.</p><p>“I never told you it was,” Bucky answers, and Steve feels anxiety form a ball in his stomach. </p><p>He had a plan - there’s always a plan - but it all seems to much less likely to work if Bucky’s behaving like this. </p><p>“You knew that I thought it was outside,” he says, and Bucky turns his head, drops Steve’s gaze. “I can’t get out.”</p><p>“No,” Bucky says. “If you get out, I’ll never see you again.”</p><p>Steve shakes his head.</p><p>“Bucky, we can’t stay here forever.”</p><p>“Why not?” Bucky answers, and Steve frowns at him, baffled.</p><p>“Because it’s a prison!” he says, and that his voice echoes off the walls that tells him he’s shouting. </p><p>Bucky stares at him for a long time, and Steve can hear both of them breathing, can tell that Bucky’s agitated. </p><p>“You’re safe here with me,” he says.</p><p>“Am I?” he asks.</p><p>Bucky clenches his jaw and his fists.</p><p>“You’re safe here with me!” he reiterates.</p><p>“I’m trapped,” Steve answers. “You’re <i>keeping</i> me here.”</p><p>And Bucky…</p><p>Bucky cries. </p><p>It takes all the wind out of Steve’s sails - Bucky’s face crumples up and tears spill down his cheeks.</p><p>“I don’t want you to leave me,” he says, his shoulders hunching, his hands coming up to his face as his hair obscures it.</p><p>He pushes his sleeve across his eyes and shakes his head, and Steve’s first instinct is to go to him, Steve’s first instinct is always to go to him.</p><p>“Bucky,” he says. “I’m not going to leave you-”</p><p>“You are!” Bucky answers, shouting himself now. “You are! Why would you try to open the door if you weren’t going to leave?”</p><p>Steve shakes his head.</p><p>“Bucky, you gotta listen to me, sweetheart,” he says. “I want to know I can get out and fetch help if you need it. I want to go see places I never saw, I want to see my friends, I want to eat at restaurants. I want to do all of that with you, I want you to come with me. I don’t want to leave you behind but…being trapped here-”</p><p>“With me,” Bucky says, and his voice is small. “Being trapped here with me.”</p><p>And Steve hates this. He knows he’s being manipulated but he <i>can’t be sure it’s deliberate.</i> Sometimes Bucky’s the man he knew, sometimes Bucky’s the man who was tortured for seventy years, and sometimes Bucky’s a child standing frightened in a hallway.</p><p>“I just got you back,” Bucky weeps, and it pulls Steve’s heart out of his chest. </p><p>He remembers thinking the same thing after the fight on the bridge, when STRIKE came to take them away. He remembers thinking the same thing when he faced Bucky on the helicarrier. And he remembers waking in the hospital with Sam by his bedside, asking if they’d found Bucky, and hearing he was gone. </p><p>
  <i>But I just got him back.</i>
</p><p>Steve looks at him, watches Bucky crying in the hallway.</p><p>“Bucky, you leave all the time,” he says, and Bucky sobs quietly.</p><p>“But I come back,” he says, and Steve walks to him, goes to him, keeps walking until he can put his hands on Bucky’s upper arms. “I always come back.”</p><p>“I’d come back,” he says. </p><p>“I don’t know that,” Bucky answers. “You can’t prove it!”</p><p>“And what if you don’t come back, Bucky?” Steve answers. “What if something happens to you and you don’t come back? I could starve, Alpine could starve.”</p><p>“If something happens to me the facility will let you out,” he says. “It’s…it monitors.”</p><p>Steve narrows his eyes.</p><p>“What?” he says. “It monitors?” </p><p>“My heart,” he says. “Your heart. It knows if we stop.”</p><p>Steve searches the top of Bucky’s head because Bucky won’t lift his head for Steve to search his face.</p><p>“This place is biometric?” he says.</p><p>Bucky nods.</p><p>“Then why do I need a bracelet?” </p><p>But it’s as he asks that he knows. He realizes. It’s not a key. </p><p>It’s a tracker. </p><p>Jesus Christ. </p><p>“You’re tracking me,” he says. “That’s why I need a bracelet.”</p><p>“What if something happens to you when I’m not here?” Bucky answers, and sniffs loudly. “I have to know where to find you.”</p><p>Steve looks at the ceiling and then closes his eyes, shakes his head.</p><p>“We’re not done talking about this,” he says. “Do you understand? We don’t have to talk about it now but I’m a prisoner here. And…that’s not right, Bucky. That’s not fair.”</p><p>Bucky lifts his head and looks at Steve. </p><p>“If I show you the outside,” he says. “If I let you out the door…”</p><p>“I’d come back, Bucky. I’ll always come back. How long’s it been since I got any air, huh?”</p><p>He’s aiming for a joke, tries to smile with it, but Bucky isn’t looking at him.</p><p>“I can show you,” Bucky says. “I can show you.”</p><p>And Steve nods.</p><p>“Okay,” he says, because he needs a win right now, he needs to find a positive. “So show me.”</p><p>And Bucky nods.</p><p>“I’ll show you,” he says. “I will.”</p><p>~</p><p>The door at the end of the corridor leads to an elevator. </p><p>Bucky shows it to him and they get on the elevator together, because the doors will open for Bucky. They get on, and Bucky presses a button, and the elevator starts to rise.</p><p>“How far underground are we?” Steve asks, but Bucky shakes his head.</p><p>“I don’t know,” he says, wiping his face with his sleeve again. “There’s no other stops.”</p><p>And the elevator keeps going, and going. </p><p>When it reaches the top, the doors open straight out into fresh air, and it’s not until it does that Steve realizes how much he’s missed it, how little air there was inside.</p><p>Steve stumbles out, barefoot, onto the ground, and tips his head back to breathe it in, great lungfuls of clean, fresh air. He can smell trees, stone, earth, damp old leaves. </p><p>They are on the top of a hill that overlooks a valley miles and miles wide, with a city sparkling inside it. They’re surrounded by half-dead trees. It is dawn, and the sun is coming up behind them. When he glances back, the elevator doors are the front of what looks like a small concrete bunker, nothing more unobtrusive than a water access point, and they stay open.</p><p>He’s cold, he realizes. His nipples harden and goosebumps rise on his skin and he shuts his eyes and breathes in through his nose. He’s missed fresh air. </p><p>Bucky, when he looks at Bucky some time later, is standing next to him, his arms folded, his head down. </p><p>“Bucky,” he says, and holds out a hand to him.</p><p>“It’s dangerous,” Bucky says. “Anybody could see us.”</p><p>“Sweetheart,” Steve says, and he steps a little closer. </p><p>Bucky takes his hand, and Steve brings Bucky into his embrace.</p><p>“Look at it,” he says. “It’s beautiful, isn’t it?” </p><p>Bucky doesn’t say anything. Steve doesn’t know where they are but the structures don’t look like any of the American cities he’s seen. </p><p>“You want to leave,” Bucky says, and Steve feels a pang of guilt, because that’s true. </p><p>He wants to take Bucky home with him, to go somewhere they can…</p><p>Somewhere they could be together but…</p><p>But if Bucky comes with him, their situations will be reversed, won’t they? Even if the authorities forgive Bucky for the Winter Soldier’s sins, even if they don’t jail him, he’ll be with Steve - that’s what Steve wants - but he won’t be free. He’ll be locked up in a gilded cage while Steve fetches anything he needs. </p><p>“I,” he says.</p><p>“If you go,” Bucky says, “then…then I can’t stop you. I won’t, if that’s what you want.” He sounds small and sad, defeated. “But I won’t be here. I won’t stay - Romanoff would find me.”</p><p>“I’d tell her not to look,” Steve answers, but it’s not enough - it wouldn’t stop Natasha, they both know it.</p><p>Bucky shakes his head, and sniffs again, and, when he speaks, his voice is high and thin.</p><p>“I don’t want you to go,” he says, and Steve doesn’t want to leave him. He doesn’t want to go home, to fetch help, if the price is Bucky. </p><p>“What if I promised I’d come back?” he says. “If it was only for a week or so?” </p><p>Bucky sobs, his fingers curl in Steve’s shirt. </p><p>“I won’t let them take me,” he says. “I don’t want you to go.”</p><p>And the thing is, he’s never asked Steve to say. He’s never told Steve he’s not allowed to leave. He’s only ever told Steve what he wants, only ever let Steve know how he felt. He doesn’t want Steve to leave him, but he’s not trying to make him stay. </p><p>“Sweetheart,” Steve says, but Bucky doesn’t lift his head, so Steve says it again, “sweetheart, look at me.”</p><p>It’s manipulation, Steve knows it. But Bucky doesn’t do it on purpose. And even in a gilded cage, they’re together. </p><p> Bucky lifts his head, and his face is ref and blotchy, and his skin is wet. </p><p>“Shall we go back inside?” he says, and Bucky’s face crumples up again, he pulls away to get his arms free and then throws them around Steve’s neck, hugs him tight as he cries. </p><p>“I didn’t want you to go,” he says, and Steve nods, and rubs his back.</p><p>“I’m not leaving,” he says softly. “I’m not leaving you, Bucky.”</p><p>“Thank you,” Bucky breathes reedily, and squeezes him tighter. “I only want you to stay.”</p><p>~</p><p>They go back inside, into the elevator, and they stand there for a minute. Bucky’s waiting, Steve realizes, until Steve’s looked his fill of the outside world. </p><p>“Maybe we can do this sometimes,” Steve says. “Maybe you can bring me up here and we can watch the sun rising, or maybe the sunset. Come out here when it snows in winter and build a snowman, how about that?”</p><p>Bucky nods silently, his hands wrapped around Steve’s arm. </p><p>Steve leans down and kisses his temple.</p><p>“Come on,” he says. “Close the doors, I’m gettin’ cold.”</p><p>And Bucky nods again, and reaches forward, and pushes the button that closes the doors.  Steve looks out at it, and tries not to feel the anxiety still settled in his stomach.</p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>***</p>
</div>They talk about it sometimes, just a little. It’s not much but Steve brings it up over dinner sometimes. They go out once or twice a week and stand in the fresh air. On occasion, they go once around the building together, and Bucky holds his hand like he’s scared Steve will leave.<p>Steve won’t. </p><p>He still can’t open the door by himself. It’s not keyed to him. </p><p>The problem comes when he finds that out - Bucky’s in the garden, fetching herbs, and a couple of carrots. And so Steve tries the door because he suspects he’s still not able to get out by himself, and finds that, while he can get past the entrance that looks like a front door, he’s still not able to get into the elevator.</p><p>Red light.</p><p>Buzzer.</p><p>
  <i>Access Denied.</i>
</p><p>But Bucky knows.</p><p>It doesn’t occur to Steve that it might set off an alert until Bucky’s standing in the doorway and, when he turns to look, Bucky has the newspaper in his hand.</p><p>“They don’t need you,” Bucky says, calling out after him as though it’s a secret he’s shared. “They’re not failing without you. I know you worry about them, but they’re fine without you. They promoted the Falcon. They…”</p><p>“What?” Steve says, feeling his face crease in a frown. </p><p>“They don’t need you,” Bucky answers. “I know you’re worried, but…You don’t need to be worried. They’re doing just fine without you.”</p><p>Steve narrows his eyes at Bucky. Tries to make the words he’s just heard fit together in his head in a way that makes sense. </p><p>“What do you mean?” he says, and Bucky shrugs.</p><p>“They aren’t looking for you,” he says, but he looks nervous, a child caught out in a lie. “They…” He squeezes his eyes shut and shakes his head minutely. “They think you ran away. To find me.”</p><p>Steve thinks about that, because he nearly did. In fact, Natasha found out that was the plan, and she discouraged him. So she knows his leaving was a possibility. </p><p>“Did you make them think that?” he asks anyway, because he has to ask - he needs to know.</p><p>“No,” Bucky says. “They said, your friends, they said that they think you went off alone and you’ll come back sometime. They think you left to find me. You told them.”</p><p>Steve takes a moment to think about this. That’s true. When he called, he said he was with Bucky.</p><p>“You said they promoted Falcon,” Steve says. </p><p>He’s still not sure if should use Sam’s name with Bucky. </p><p>“Yes,” Bucky says. “I can show you. It’s in the paper. And on the Teevee.” </p><p>He says it <i>tee</i>vee, with the emphasis on the first syllable, and Steve considers it.</p><p>“They promoted Falcon,” he says. “Someone they don’t know?”</p><p>“That’s what I mean,”Bucky answers. “Nobody knows who he is but he got the shield.”</p><p>Steve just stares at him.</p><p>“You’re not going to use it anyway,” he says. “It doesn’t even matter. You won’t need it.”</p><p>“What about when I go back?” Steve says.</p><p>“You don’t need to go back,” Bucky tells him. “You don’t have to fight, you don’t have to worry, you can stay with me, they don’t need you. We can be happy here.”</p><p>Steve frowns and looks away down the corridor. The door feels like a long way away and he knows that it’s locked.</p><p>But it’s not beyond the realms of possibility. Bucky is probably telling the truth, the person he is now doesn’t seem capable of lying. Maybe not understanding everything, okay, but as honest as he can be when e doesn’t know the truth.</p><p>Because if they’re doing alright without him, then he can play the long game over this. If he doesn’t need to rush back to help, then he can bring Bucky around, they can talk it through, Steve can help him understand the situation, can teach him that they can get him help. Or maybe he doesn’t even want help, it’s not Steve’s place to judge. Maybe he wants to live like this, on the edges of society. Steve can sympathize with it even if he can’t ever truly understand what Bucky’s been through, they can get a house somewhere far away from anywhere, in the middle of nowhere, with the kind of stuff Bucky used to talk about on the fire escape back in Brooklyn, or in the forest in Europe. A place to themselves, a garden, somewhere not too far from a little store but well out of the way of big cities. </p><p>Steve doesn’t ever have to go back, actually, if they don’t need him. Or at least, he doesn’t have to go back <i>until</i> they need him, but he can probably get away with reserving his participation for the big things. Alien invasion in New York City, he can break out the red, white and blue. Otherwise? Steve’s starting to think he’d be just as happy in a garden, growing flowers or painting them, maybe they can raise some animals.</p><p>It’s dangerous, he knows, to imagine a future. To stand there and think about it. But it’s within their grasp. The two of them can both be free together, away from Steve’s ‘obligations,’ away from the press and the public and the people who crawled back into the woodwork, or the people who crawled out of it. </p><p>But the signs have been there all along, haven’t they?</p><p>
  <i>“I wanted to make sure you were safe.”</i>
</p><p>
  <i>“I thought about what I’d need and I brought you here. There’s no chair. They won’t find us.”</i>
</p><p>
  <i>“You’ll stay?”</i>
</p><p>All this time, he thought he knew, he thought he understood. </p><p>But Bucky knew better. Bucky had been telling him the whole time and he hadn’t known how to listen.</p><p>He’d thought about what he’d need - he wouldn’t need a chair, not for Steve. Because Steve had said he’d stay, hadn’t he? Immediately. And Bucky asked him again. Steve said he’d stay. </p><p>Sam.</p><p>Natasha.</p><p>They won’t find him. </p><p>Nobody will. </p><p>“I’m sorry,” Bucky says, and then he pulls something from his pocket.</p><p>It’s not a phone, but it’s that size. It makes small beeps, and Steve frowns at him, at the other end of the corridor. When Bucky looks up again, he’s pale. His eyes are rimmed red. </p><p>“I recalibrated it,” Bucky tells him, staring at him without blinking. “You can go.”</p><p>And Steve looks at him. Then he looks at the door. </p><p>If the door doesn’t open for him, there is no choice. If he tries the door and it doesn’t open, Bucky is lying to him, which means he might be lying about everything, anything. If he tries the door and it doesn’t open, if Bucky is lying, then this idyll, this tiny universe, then the only thing Steve can do is to find a way out by himself, either by force or in secret.</p><p>If the door won’t open, there is no choice. </p><p>But if he tests the door, it’s proof he doesn’t trust Bucky. And if he leaves, then Bucky won’t be here when he comes back. He’s not under any illusions, Bucky’s the Winter Soldier. If he leaves, and doesn’t want to be found, Steve will never see him again. </p><p>If the door opens, he loses everything.</p><p>Schröedinger’s freedom. </p><p>“Okay, Buck,” Steve says, and then he turns away. </p><p>“You’re not going?” Bucky says, and Steve looks back at him, then at the door. </p><p>“No,” Steve says. </p><p>Perhaps one day he’ll need to test it. And maybe, when he does, it will work. </p><p>“I don’t need to leave,” he says. “I just want to know that I can. You wouldn’t keep me against my will, would you? A prisoner?”</p><p>Bucky shakes his head. </p><p>“No,” he says. </p><p>“Well then,” Steve says. “It’s never going to be a problem. Because I don’t want to leave.”</p><p>But it’s not a choice, not really. Even faced with this, there’s no decision to be made because the answer’s obvious.</p><p>Because it won’t be forever. Bucky won’t want to keep them there until they’re old and gray. Some day, what Steve says will make sense to him. Some day, he’ll realize he wants help and Steve will be able to show it to him. Steve will help him get there, and then help him through. He’ll introduce Bucky to Sam and Natasha, and they’ll tell this story over coffee, or maybe beer. </p><p>And even if they never get that far, the world doesn’t need him. They’ve made it abundantly clear. He could live here with Bucky forever, without ever having to face another fight. </p><p>Out of the whole universe, out of every chance, he got Bucky back. </p><p>Bucky needs him.</p><p>And when it comes right down to it, he’ll choose Bucky, every time. Always. </p><p>End of the line.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Steve is kidnapped by Bucky. Bucky keeps him prisoner but Steve is staying willingly anyway, believing Bucky will let him leave if he ever asks to leave. Dubious consent is for Steve and Bucky having sex while Steve is Bucky's captive. </p><p>If you're interested in getting me to write something for you, head on over to <a href="https://justanotherstonyfan.tumblr.com">my tumblr!</a></p></blockquote></div></div>
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